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Both of my parents were in the Air Force. There are advantages to being an ex-Air Force brat, like the fact I had travelled to five continents by the age of 12. Or that I lived abroad three times and took weekend trips to Japan with my dad. I also rode in cargo planes and medical planes and all sorts of other planes because my dad worked in a terminal for awhile. People find that part of my life fascinating, and perhaps it is.

What they don’t realize is the downside - I’m 23 years old and I’ve moved 10 times already. Not to different houses - if we wanted to add that up, it would be more. Rather, to different states and different countries. I know a lot about moving and having to start all over in a new place, which is something many twentysomethings are facing after graduating from college and pursuing careers that require relocation.

The most difficult part of moving is making new, lasting friendships - once you have those, everything else seems to fall into place. Here are some tips on how to build new relationships and create a new home for yourself.

Don’t:

Compare new friends to old friends. I think we know who will win, so just don’t do it. No one you’ve just met can compare to people you’ve known since grade school or high school. Be thankful for your old friends, but don’t expect new friends to automatically understand you the way your old friends did - it takes time to build a strong friendship.

Go home too often. Spend the holidays at home, but be careful about going home too often. In college, I noticed the people who went home every weekend were the ones who transfered to a community college near mom and dad after a year. There’s nothing wrong with that, but realize if you want to make things work in a new location, you have to be in the new location most of the time.

Do:

Give yourself one year to adjust. Relocation requires you to build a new life, so it’s not reasonable to expect things to be great after a few months. In my experience, it takes at least one year of living in a new place to get completely comfortable with your surroundings and feel you have close friends you can rely on, especially if you are starting from not knowing anyone.

Explore with a positive attitude. You will likely experience some sort of culture shock, especially if you are moving across countries or oceans. Put a positive spin on it. No, your new place is not like the place you grew up, but there is still a lot you can learn from the people in your new place. Approach your new location with a positve attitude to give it a real chance at becoming your new home.

Join groups where you can meet new people your age. It’s easy to meet new people in school settings, but after college most people don’t have that. If your job doesn’t allow you to meet lots of people your age, try to find outlets that resemble the college atmosphere, like sports teams, gyms, volunteer groups, or special interest groups. Join a Meetup. It will be more difficult to join a group where everyone else knows each other, but start with meeting one new person at each event. Eventually you will have a new group of friends that shares an interest with you.

Have roommates. Preferably more than one. It’s an easy way to meet people because each person you live with can introduce you to other people who are their friends. Eventually you’ll have a network of people who hang out at your apartment regularly.

Accept every invitation. Sometimes you don’t think you’ll like the person, but I’ve found people can make bad first impressions. You never know who your next best friend will be. Even if this person is not it, he or she might introduce you to someone who will be.

Actively search for new friends. Social network tools are powerful here. Look through your network and see if you have friends in the area you didn’t know of. Since moving to Chicago, I’ve found lots of people from high school who happen to live here now also. Also, look to see if your friends have friends in the area that you could meet.

Keep in touch. Stay in touch with old friends. They will warm your heart and get you through the lonely days.

Know when to move on. If you’ve tried everything and after a year or so still haven’t made any connections at your new location, consider moving again. It sounds drastic, but no job or opportunity is worth you being miserable in a new place.

Feel free to add your own thoughts on how you coped with moving in the comments section!

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Categories: Socialite
Tags: Features, Friendships, Moving, Networking

Monica O'Brien is the founder of Twenty Set, a website about personal and professional growth and development for the Millennial generation. She has been a blogger since 1998 when blogging was still in its “Dear Diary” form and in May 2007 began blogging for personal branding and profit.
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